Reflection: 2012

A few years ago, I started off the New Year by providing snippets of my journal from the year before. While I didn't keep up the tradition, I think I'd like to try again.

Looking back at twelve months of time is really crazy. In ways, I feel like 2012 flew by. But at the same time, there were days and weeks (and months) that just seemed to drag on. As I enter into my final semester of college life, I know everything is going to speed up. I'll blink, and graduation will be here.

So, now, in this moment, I want to just take a few moments to look back at 2012. To remember with a grateful heart the many Jerichos Jesus razed in my life, and the quiet moments through which I learned to be still.

Below is a collection of tidbits from my journals, this past year. One for every month. 

Thanks for reading. I pray you have a blessed and merciful New Year.  

- 2012 -  

01/04/12

“Jesus of Nazareth. Let my life have the cadence of yours.”

02/25/12

“Sometimes Love is let down. But it turns its face to the sun every morning, just the same. Sometimes Love wishes things were different. But it looks forward to the Day when they will be. Sometimes Love is weary. But it perseveres, hoping things will not always be this way. Sometimes, Love is accompanied by a feeling of loneliness. But it trusts the unseen. Sometimes, Love is burnt out. But it only takes a spark to revive.”

03/22/12

“I do so love Your heart. Let me learn its depths. It’s been a very heavy homework week. Finally finished one paper, and I have another to go, some posts to make, and a scene to polish and direct. But You are  with me. You, who have parted the seas.”

04/08/12

“…And I am thankful. For You. For never once letting me walk alone. You are so good. And what have I done but judged Your children in my heart? Desired what I can’t have. Given, served reluctantly. Decided I am worthier to be special than others. Wished I were better than others. And there’s the rub – the very proof that I deserve the judgment I cast on others. And yet, You love me. The One person who can save me from myself.”

05/18/12

“Lord God. Please move in, and shape, my heart in this season. Teach me to find myself lost in You. Thank You for understanding friends. For bravery. For the first sunny day after a week of rain. Look what Love’s overcome this week.”

06/7/12

“Grateful for friends with grace in their eyes.”

07/17/12

“I want my life to be marked by simple moments. Like eating saltines cross-legged on my kitchen rug at midnight. Or a bedtime conversation with a 2-year-old.”

08/03/12

“I am tired of thinking I’m just not good enough to be anything great. I rebuke that lie. I just want to be perfectly me – clumsy and imperfect.”

9/30/12

“Lord, I am grateful for my student loans, because they mean I was able to go to school. And, once a month, as I pay them off, I will be continually reminded of how You made a way. Thank you.”

10/26/12

“At dinner, I literally stopped everything I was doing, threw my hands over my ears, bowed my head, and prayed. I just wanted to spend time with You. Be near You. What a gift it is to have you, Lord. I felt a strong temptation of pride tonight. But I know You aren’t finished with me yet. Please. Burn it all. Sanctify.”

11/15/12

“'Don’t resent other people, just because their lives are blessed differently than yours.' Let me write this on my heart. I am so sorry I demand so much from You, when You have given me infinitely more than I deserve. Keep remaking me.”

12/20/12

“Lord God, I’m going to make a change. From now, I vow to do my utmost to love without discrimination. To give without an ulterior motive. To forgive, and let go without harboring secret feelings of hurt. I will love, without expectation. I will love, even when they do not. I will love the way You taught me to. So crazy grateful for Who You are.”

Without wax,
Sarah.